Monday 06 September 2004

Day One. Oh dear, I'm beginning to sound like Big Brother already - I'll nip that in the bud.
So the drive in was interesting You know how parents have this thing about having a "baby on board" badge hanging in the back window of the car? They think that the world and his wife will give them a wide berth because they are carrying passengers but in fact everyone without children treats them with no more courtesy than anyone else. Now I'm not a boy racer. In fact I don't believe I've ever put a baseball cap on my head. I hope I'm a considerate driver but even I don't find these words have much effect on me. Today I followed a car that had just a one word stuck on the rear of it. One tiny little word but one that I feel would make most drivers give a berth greater than usual. That word? Flammable.

So the course started off well. There were about 8 or so of us "oldies" (i.e. in our 30's and above) the majority of the rest seemingly made up of fresh graduates. I can't give a total number because I've run out of fingers and toes to count on.

We had to register today which involved queuing for more than an hour to hand in out police-check form followed by more queuing to enter our already-known details into a PC. Don't get me wrong there wasn't just one PC for the several hundred people waiting. No there were about fifteen. So after another hour or so I finally get the the computer when whhoompf the computers crashed. Ah well.

Finally all was up and running again and the computer informed me to now move on to the stand with the green balloons. Except there were no green balloons around. Not even a blue one. Nor red. So I stood in the queue for the next stand - Student Finance. Of course by this point I was hot, tired and quite sick of waiting. I noticed no-one at the next section. Aha I thought, I'll go there whilst its quiet and then come back here afterwards. So off I pop on my merry little way only to be stopped by someone who wanted to check my form. It's not been signed - go and queue over there. He pointed to the queue that I had just left that had now increased by a further 20 people.

Eventually I reach this Student Finance desk. "Do you have your details?" I was asked. "No," I replied, "I've not been sent any yet." "Let us know when you do" he said and stamped my form as confirmed. So that was well worth 35 minutes of my life.

Now I moved on to the identity card section. "Is this card both an NUS and a Brunel University card?" I asked. "Oh no, this is just access to Brunel. The NUS card comes next week." So that's good two more thick plastic cards to put in my wallet along with a loyalty card for every shop on the high street." Roll on retina scans - that's all I can say.

Two more desks to call in on and time to call it a day (though it seems like three). The real work starts tomorrow and from the sounds of it, it's going to be hard work (or expensive in bribes) from now on...

Tuesday 07 September

Great fun today. Due to the necessity of police checks I was carrying my life history with me. Birth certificate, Degree and other exam certificate. You know the sort of irreplaceable items I'm talking about. I also had some less crucial items such as drivers license, passport... So imagine the joy and elation I felt on discovering that a bottle of Coke had decided to leak and cover every one of these items. Classic!

Thursday 09 September

I'm getting a cold. I've had a sore throat all day and my back is giving me gyp (a sure sign for me). I reckon I got this from my colleague Andrew (that's not his real name, his real name is Dave Bundy) who spent the weekend immersed in the River Thames. Yes, I thought that was a strange hobby too, but it turns out that kayak's were involved too. Unfortunately for Andrew (and subsequently me) the kayaks were less involved and the water rather much more involved in the day's events. And so Andrew has shared this delight with the rest of us.
I guess I'll just have to get used to it. After all I'm bound to catch a cold off a pupil at some point. Hopefully not nits though. Urghhh!

Monday 13 September

This week is being spent in a school - part teaching and part observing other people's lessons. Naturally enough at such an important stage my cold is now in full bloom and to say that I feel like death warmed up would be making it sound more pleasant than it is.
Why do tall women feel the need to wear heals? Three is a female teacher in this school who must be at least six foot before she even puts her heels on. She will remain nameless (though you might happen to already know it's Janice Redfern I'm talking about. ) Anyway this teacher was in the staff room telling us about her morning in the classroom. "So this child asks 'How tall are you Miss?'" she recalled. "Over six foot. 'And how heavy are you Miss?.' "you can't ask me a question like that" she replied. 'Why?', asked the pupil. 'Is that because you're a bit chubby?'"

Wednesday 15 September

We were given a lecture on Special Education Needs. My eyes were opened I can tell you. I genuinely thought this just meant thickos. But no. These days we are able to test and classify these no-good-layabouts and realise that rather than just being attention seeking they have medical disorders. Really. And I don't just mean in a "oh he won't settle down let's give it a medical name to be PC and people will care." Oh no these guys really need help and some are on medication. I'm shocked.
We've been observing lessons all week to see how teachers handle classes. However on Friday we have each been assigned to a different class to observe a particular SEN child in action. Sounds disturbing doesn't it. But not half as disturbing as the following conversation might have sounded to someone who walked into the room at the wrong time. You see we each were assigned with a particular disorder to observe but some wanted to do swaps. Hence "I've got Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder can anyone swap for Narcelepsy?" "Who's got Illiteracy Problems? I'd like to give you Turret's Syndrome."

Thursday 16 September

Discussion on class discipline and control today. We were told the real-life story of a two pupils who were each constantly trying to prove that they were the hardest. Ultimately this calumniated in one bringing a butchers knife into the lesson. "But what did you do?" we asked the teacher recalling this story. He replied, "Well obliviously I had to report it...." Now if you went for a job interview at a company and the personnel manager recalled such an event for you as having happened at their premises how quickly would you make your excuses and leave? So why were non of us particularly bothered by this story. Yesterday we talked about "special needs" today I think it us that need psychological profiling!

Friday 17 September

Hmmm that was disappointing. Nothing happening in my class observing an SEN. Nothing. They were classed as having with ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder so I was expecting lots of running around, jumping up and down, shouting out etc. but nothing,. They were good as gold,. In fact some of the other pupils played up more. After this study I checked with colleague to see how their chosen problem children had behaved. A similar story all round - could have been a normal classrooms. Everyone was waiting for something exciting and dangerous to kick off but were met with peace. Surely they could withheld the kids' medicine for a while so that we got the benefit of them in full swing. Ah well.